The Dating Game
So, Janis and I were just talking about high school dating these days, and in reading the newest drafts, I am struck with some questions about what "dating" is like these days. There seem to be some new ways of doing things that I'm not "in" on.
For instance, when I was in high school, IMing was just coming into regular use, and not many people did it, and the people who did on a regular basis were considered a little odd. Now, its pretty run of the mill and there appears to be a link to the dating/interest world. Do you think people hide behind IM stuff since they aren't face to face?
Do people still "go out with each other"? Is that even the right phrase? I remember hearing about people who were "going out" but now it seems like that might mean that they really are just going out somewhere without any romantic overtones.
Basically, how do people "court", "date", and "fall in like/love" here in 2005?
For instance, when I was in high school, IMing was just coming into regular use, and not many people did it, and the people who did on a regular basis were considered a little odd. Now, its pretty run of the mill and there appears to be a link to the dating/interest world. Do you think people hide behind IM stuff since they aren't face to face?
Do people still "go out with each other"? Is that even the right phrase? I remember hearing about people who were "going out" but now it seems like that might mean that they really are just going out somewhere without any romantic overtones.
Basically, how do people "court", "date", and "fall in like/love" here in 2005?
posted by Laura D. at 7:57 PM
7 Comments:
IMing is just a way to talk to someone when calling them is less convenient. If you're both on the computer, why not talk there? But it gets ridiculous when people take it so seriously. I read an article in the paper that said when teens use the internet to communicate, it is to their detriment; they don't have to learn how to talk things out, they just sign off. They don't have to learn to be tactful, they can just block someone. They don't have to explain why someone upset them, they just click the "warn" button. It goes on...but I'm pretty sure I stopped reading after that. Who wants to know that their generation is going to the dogs at age 15?
Dating is so silly at this age. Here's how it should work: A guy and a girl (or a guy and a guy/girl and girl, depending on your sexual orinetation) meet eachother and find they like eachother. They start to hang out and it slowly evolves into a relationship. If they find they're not liking it anymore, they stay friends. The end. Here's how it really works: the guy has to ask out the girl and then they're officially dating. They are "together" regardless of how often they see eachother. Then when they get tired of things (note I said tired, it's your own fault if you can't make thigns interesting) they "officially" break up and never talk to eachother again. Bah! That's the part I hate the most. You don't stop talking to the friends that you've grown apart from. You don't hate those that you don't talk to much anymore. So then why hate your ex b/f or g/f? The whole system is messed up. Now on to the IMing. It's true that people say thigns theyn wouldnt normally say in person because you're not face to face. in some cases i think this is good because you can actually say what yer thinking but it's also kind of dumb because people do hook up/break up online, which is the cheap way out. sigh. The end.
and asking permission from the parents and finding out how much land comes with _____ as opposed to ____, and so on and so on, right Kristin?
If you're gonna date, I like Danny's explanation the best, but it's a lot different in the real world. Lots of people I know say "going out."
Why not just be friends with everyone rather than committing yourself to one person?
I dunno, Hope. Personally, I'd like to feel special to all of my friends and love them all rather than limit myself to just one person.
Just to hop in here real fast...
All of this is totally facinating.
More questions:
What does "relationship" mean to you?
Do you feel obligated to have things be weird once you break up?
Do your friends have more to do with your post-relationship feelings about the person? I.e. they hate him/her for dumping you so you hate them too, even if you might still kinda like them?
How long is the longest/shortest you've ever "gone out" with someone?
Okay...keep talking!
Bridget- Why yes, yes I am. Just kidding.
No, there's a difference between not necessarily being all for monogamous relationships and being promiscuous. I think that it's also important for people to recognize and be open about their feelings with other people, both emotionally and physically. Lots of times, people think that they're emotionally connected to someone (or just say that they are) just because of a physical attraction. It would be nice if people were a lot more honest with themselves regarding which attractions are emotional, physical, or both. Getting the two confused can lead to negative results and also makes people feel bad about one type of connection over the other. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. If anyone wants to question me further, it's probably easier to do person to person.
Laura, to answer your questions:
-Relationship, to me, means that two people share a common attraction towards each other and acknowledge their mutual attractions.
-No, not obligated, but it seems like there's no way to get around it. Boundaries change and a new type of relationship (if any) needs to be made, based on who's comfortable with what. This makes things kinda ackward.
-No, in the past, my friends listen to what I have to say about a recently or almost gone relationship, and add input when I ask or when it's appropriate. I don't really have a history of my friends trying to change the way I think about someone.
-Longest: A bit more than 2 years.
-Shortest: 2 days?
PS- Well said, Niems. I'm gonna miss you too, Scott.
Actually Kyle, my close friends are usually the people I like to ahng out with.... And I can beat you, my shortest was 6 hours.
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